How can we help children (and ourselves) deal with turbulent situations?
As humans, we are programmed to position ourselves according to the constants around us: people, structures and boundaries. When those constants shift, it can be unsettling for adults and children. Sometimes we find ourselves in unprecedented situations, and we each have our own approach to managing things. If you feel confused and without direction because of a turbulent situation, please know that is okay.
We’ll look today at why that is, to help us understand ourselves a little more and why these simple mindfulness activities can help us navigate it.
What causes social stress?
There may be many reasons for feeling stressed in life, but during turbulent times in society, it is often due to not feeling safe. Something in our environment is alerting our survival instinct. This makes our brains produce stress hormones, which get us ready to fight the threat, run from it or freeze until it’s gone away. The threat might be to our physical or even social survival – and the two are linked. Things can feel even scarier when we also feel isolated from our social group, which keeps us protected from that threat.
Human beings are social by nature. We live and work in communities, we connect through love and empathy and we protect each other. There’s truth to the saying “there’s safety in numbers”. But it’s not just about safety. We also define ourselves by comparing ourselves to others and working out what we are not.
Research has found that we identify deeply with our role in society and the "pack" to which we belong. This holds deep ties with our sense of safety, contentment and self-esteem. If the boundaries by which we define and position ourselves have shifted or continue to shift, we will feel unsafe, threatened and therefore stressed.
Are children affected by social stress in the same way?
If we then apply this to children, the constants to whom they look for security are the adults in their life. If the adults are behaving differently, the children will feel a shift and feel unsafe and stressed too. If they don’t have their friends alongside them for social positioning, this too can lead to them feeling confused and uncertain.
Here are some key ways we can help:
Communicating and listening
Children may often lack the language to express what they are feeling, or even to recognize it themselves. Therefore, we must offer ways to help them make sense of the world around them,to help them feel safe, and to help express their concerns. Communication provides the necessary social interaction and models for them on how to handle the new situation. It firms up their boundaries and provides a safe space where they feel listened to and acknowledged, and this, in turn, helps diffuse their stress. The activity below is a lovely way to invite children to express any worry they might be feeling, mindfully and with support – and give them something to do with their feelings. It also helps them breathe fully and slowly, which can calm their nervous system.
Breath activity: Worry bubbles
- Sit together and invite your child to put their palms together.
- Invite them to take a big breath in. As they breathe in, they can draw their palms further and further apart, spreading their fingers as they imagine blowing up a big bubble between their hands.
- Invite them to whisper a worry into the bubble.
- Invite them to blow the breath out nice and slowly. As they breathe out, they can imagine blowing the bubble (and the worry) away with a big sigh.
- Twinkle the fingers back down to the lap, and start again, either with the same worry or a new one
Helping them find a safety anchor inside themselves
By helping children focus on breathing, we can teach them that even if things feel wobbly around them, their breath is always there. The act of focusing on the breath also helps settle the fight-or-flight branch of their nervous system into a calmer, more balanced state.
Breath Activity: Counting breaths
- Invite your child to sit with you.
- Invite them to place their hands on their tummy and breathe in slowly so they push into their hands, counting slowly up to four.
- As they breathe out, invite them to count up to six, as they slowly empty their belly and their hands lower back down.
- Continue until they feel calmer. You can do this every morning or evening to help sustain balance. With younger children, they might like a teddy on their tummy to push up and down.
These two activities can be lovely daily practices to try and provide some safety and structure to your child or students’ mental health right now. They are also enjoyable activities to try for yourself – you may like to increase the in and out count of the breath a little bit for an adult breath.
