The Unsustainable Semester: Fall 2024

Throughout my many years in school, I’ve watched my grades like a hawk. Anything under 100 percent required scrutiny, and any score below 93 percent was legitimately suspicious. Year after year, I’ve proven I can earn straight A’s.

Not my junior year. I balanced school with significant personal and family challenges that left me with very little time and mental energy. I reached a breaking point.

The Turning Point: The Picture of Dorian Gray

I’d balanced two major-intensive courses with two introductory classes: Introduction to Narrative and Introduction to Sociology. They sounded more like a break than extra work. I enjoyed both, but unexpected family emergencies cut into my school time while I also juggled part-time work and an internship.

I had immense respect for my English professor, appreciated her lectures, and enjoyed the first book we read. I looked forward to reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, but as my internship grew more demanding and the family emergency worsened, I fell behind.

I didn’t want to turn in poor work to a professor whose time I valued. I was also exhausted from repeatedly asking professors for flexibility. I calculated my grade if I stopped working and didn’t turn in anything else: I could still pass.

The Reality: Capability Versus Capacity

Even though the book sat on my nightstand, ready to be read, I realized I had to separate two concepts I’d always treated as identical: capability and capacity. I was confident I could earn an A, but I lacked the capacity while juggling everything else in my life.

I ended up with a B+ and felt an unexpected mix of relief and pride. I was relieved I hadn’t given up, passed the class, and stayed on track toward my ultimate goal: graduation.

I was also oddly proud of my new non-4.0. It accurately reflected my commitment and perseverance.

The Switch: Managing Capacity, Not Just Time

That experience changed how I approached the semesters that followed. Fortunately, I love learning, so I enjoy school. My next eight hours of Global Art History lectures drop tomorrow, and I genuinely can’t wait.

However, loving college doesn’t mean I love sleep deprivation or microwaveable meals. At the start of my final semester, I made a difficult decision to reduce my course load to the graduation minimum. This allowed me to focus on my job search and protect myself from burnout.

I organized my tasks into three categories: obligations (school, work, and major responsibilities), maintenance (eating, cleaning, and errands), and recovery (sleep, relaxation, and restorative time). All three require time, so obligations now live alongside my other needs rather than replacing them.

What Letting Go Made Possible

I’m on track to graduate magna cum laude in a couple of months. I feel thankful, proud, and most importantly, balanced.

I have time for friends, family, and sleep. My meals are made from ingredients that started as seeds, not lab samples. I have time for thoughtful applications to jobs on niche social impact boards that could change my financial future.

Ironically, I learned a lesson from The Picture of Dorian Gray through life rather than its pages. A perfect exterior does not show what it costs to maintain. I now trust myself enough to differentiate between what I’m capable of and what is best for me.

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