Making the effort: How to make long-distance friendships work
The end of high school is pretty sweet, but after graduation one of the things I could not wrap my head around was the loss of familiarity when I stopped seeing the same people every day. I grew up about 30 minutes outside of St. Louis, so it was a big community with a small-town feel.
There were four elementary schools that fed into one middle school and then one high school. Basically, by the time I was 12, I knew almost everyone I would be graduating high school with. I formed friendships that were just so easy because how can you not be friends with people you see every day? We had movie nights, went to dances, and played sports together. Then, we graduated. Suddenly, I was expected to find new people to do those things with?
I started as a freshman at the University of Missouri (Mizzou) with almost 5,000 other freshmen. In high school, I had a strong friend group of about nine people, but only one went to Mizzou with me. Suddenly, I was looking for a new group of friends, a new support system, but was also preoccupied with maintaining the old one. Now, over a year later, I have made incredible connections with my fellow Mizzou students while holding onto the ones from St. Louis. Here’s what I learned along the way.
You’re not alone
Don’t forget that your friends will miss you, too. I had a weird feeling that I was the only one struggling with distance, and that could not have been further from the truth. My friends from home were having the same experiences I was. Just because they might be busy doesn’t mean they have forgotten about you.
Make the effort
It is easy to fall into the belief that if someone isn’t reaching out, it’s because they don’t care. College can be overwhelming. If you have the ability to work on your friendships along with maintaining your stress, then do so. One of my friends stopped texting me halfway through first semester freshman year. I learned later that it wasn’t because she didn’t care about my friendship anymore, it was because she was too stressed about school to put in the effort. Not everything is personal, in fact, it’s usually not.
Keep up to date
Include old friends in your new life. At Mizzou, I joined a sorority, an organization that I am now the president of. I started studying political science, something I’ve found I deeply enjoy. Those are just a couple things I added to my life after moving to college. The friends who didn’t come to college with me never saw me involved in those things, so I can’t expect them to read my mind and know how excited I was. Share your new experiences, passions, and friends with those who aren’t there to experience those things with you. Allow them to stay updated on your life even when they aren’t physically with you every day.
Change is necessary
It is OK to let some friendships go. You cannot be expected to stay best friends with everyone from high school. I made most of those friends because they were just the people who were around me most often. Some of those people are ones I will hold onto forever! There are others that I appreciate when they’re around, but their friendships with me are not the kind that can survive hundreds of miles. Appreciate those people who hold onto you like you hold onto them and be comfortable with letting the others go.
I should’ve never been so worried about my old friendships when I moved to college. A strong friendship can go the distance and even grow stronger because of it. I introduced my old friends to my new ones, I made the effort even when I wasn’t necessarily getting it in return, and I knew when to let go. I might have more people to choose from now, but I will never regret fostering my high school friendships, too. We learned that we could move on together instead of just moving on.
About the author
Sarah Faust
Sarah Faust is in her second year at the University of Missouri, Columbia, where she studies political science and French. She is a member of the Honors College and currently serves as President of the Alpha Gamma chapter of Alpha Delta Pi. When she finds some free time, she enjoys being active with her friends, reading a good fiction book, or cheering on her Tigers. She loves the experiences she gains from being the Pearson Campus Ambassador on campus.
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